Doginawaistcoat.com

None of this will make any sense.

So yeah, I’m presently in a van with two other blokes on way to do a bit of the old physical labour. We are fit fairly snugly together. But no one has entered the others body, therefore it is not ‘the gays’.

*side eye*

As I can’t be fucked to speak, my mind is awash with pointless stuff. Stuff like this:

See what I mean. Fucking nonsense. Anyone that actually knows me though, knows I thrive on this crap. As would any regular subscribers. I was pondering getting on YouTube, but ya know…effort. Tic Tok can fuck off. 

I quite fancy a sausage egg and mushroom sandwich (with brown sauce) btw. Just so you know. If ever I somehow get famous (not for murdering someone, it’s just not the same), then you know what to get me to buy my affection and enter my inner Harem.

So…have you ever repeated a word over and over in your head till it makes no sense? I did that this morning, with the word ‘Splash’. No idea why. Then when the cashier asked me if I wanted a receipt, I paused and said “Milk”. I honestly don’t know why.

I think I’m broken.

I wonder if I started singing Lisa Loeb – Stay just loud enough to be heard by the other guys, that anyone would say anything. I mean, in my head we start smashing impromptu 3 part melodies and high 5. Sadly I do not live in a Disney movie. If I did, it’d be The Road to Eldorado. As that one fella looks like the best version of me possible.

I’d like to point out that I’m literally writing this in flow, no spell checking or going back on it, then I’m just going to publish it unpolished. Been pondering doing this for a while.

Anyway, I digress. So while I’m thinking about animated characters, we’ve all fancied one at some point right? I used to joke that I’d break the yellow Gummi Bear’s plumbing. I was just kidding. I wouldn’t have been able to catch her.

That dragon would split her like a narna though

Feel free to comment your cartoon crushes, you odd fuckers. Message me direct though if it’s a horse or something. I mean, you don’t want people knowing that shit. Apart from me, obviously.

Right. I’m signing off as I have Monster Munch, and I don’t want a beef smelling phone.