Doginawaistcoat.com

Sorry US friends (and that one Korean guy 🤷) but this bad boy is kinda UK specific. Mainly as I think these were only released here.

Soooo 80s/90s kids you’ve gone to the shop with some random shrapnel in your pocket. Maybe you’ve had a hard day playing Gutter Ball, or Manhunt, and you need instant substance to revive your flagging vitals. It’s still pre Kestrel super days yet, so what’s your go to? Hell yes..

CRISPS!

The only food a growing child (possibly with scurvy) needs.

Going to get crisps was like going to the video shop. The sweet sweet selection. So, anyway…see how many of these you remember

Possibly the BEST packet in the world ever. Yeah fuckers! A god damn space pirate. I’m not gonna lie, she was strangely hot. I know you can still get these, but without this packet, they’re just not the same. Oh shit! I’m gonna start a Facebook petition!

i think these were about 1996?? Who didn’t want a packet of crisps named after someone called Gary? Personally I wish Walkers were still putting 5 pound notes in packets. Comes to something when your snacks could add towards your weed money. Great days

You know what this packet says to me? Mess. No way of eating these without looking like a backwards kid in a pushchair eating a Greggs sausage roll (otherwise known locally as a Bilston dummy). I reckon there’s still some of these down the back of a sofa somewhere

They were shaped like piglets! I dunno how that worked with some ethnic groups, but me personally, I wasn’t offended. But I’d eat the face off a live sow as long as there was red sauce and a big fucking bap about. These crisps were in the realm of Frazzles though. Eat a packet on your first day of school, and still have them repeating on you at your wedding reception.

Bonus* It looks like the wolf is saying “fags”

Imagine if you were kidnapped by a mad baker. Imagine if he tied you up and made you watch him masterbate into a cup. Imagine if he left his man milk in the cup until it started to go manky yellow. Imagine if then he baked small cereal shapes. Imagine if he injected his rancid jizz inside each one. Imagine he made you eat them. Cheese Moments.

Anyone worth their salt knows that Tomato flavour Snaps are God tier level snacks. A King in the field. Yet there was a time in the Dark Ages of existence where you could also have Snaps in a cheese flavour! You think I jest I’m sure, but I do not. Swear on your kids life! They weren’t bad either being fair. 8p, 8 fucking p. You can’t even buy 4/5’s of a Freddo with that now…

Another bugger that’d repeat on ya for a couple decades. Couldn’t stand em….but they had Thundercats on the packet. Thus giving me a huge dilemma. I hated the taste and they made my shit smell like off sausage, but I really liked Thundercats. I’m sure there was a blue packet too. Gonna convince myself they were Cheetara flavour.

I’ve got time for Smiths. Any company that does the best God damn cheese and onion squares deserves some slack. These were a bit shit though. Like less fun Buttons Puffs. At least with those you could do homophobic digs at your mates. Remember when you could do that?

I added these as the packet still makes me feel ill. I once went to the local shop (big up the Mr Singh massive) bought a pack of these and a Twix. I devoured the Twix in mere moments as I was quite a rotund child. So after the sweet, I wanted the savoury. Opened these, popped a few in my fat mouth and all was well

Then it happened. I selected the offending piece and upon it entering my face hole, I knew I’d fucked up. It was a ball of PURE flavouring. Anyone that’s ever had this happen will know how awful it is. Crisp AIDS. Total waste of a Twix. Bastard.

These are obviously a later iteration, but do you remember when these were 5p a pack? Walking round with pockets full of these and Quarterbacks (burger flavour), rustling like your skin was akin to shell suit material. Swap ya a pack of Tangy Tom and Quarterbacks for some Garbage Pail Stickers?