In this world of 200 million dollar, CGI heavy, star laden movies, its hard to remember that there was a time when just a bad idea was enough for a feature film release.
The SYFY channel is trying to keep that alive with titles that could make even a fresh orphan smile. These lower budget (and quality) flicks are treated like a lepers flipflop by the general snobbish public. Yet there’s a place for such cinematic travesty.
Thus, in such spirit I have created:
Here are my first releases:
Tranbi is the heart warming story of a young, and possibly succulent, fawn. After her mother fakes her own death by a hunter so she can move to Spain with her toyboy Phil (fuck you Phil), Tranbi stumbles through her adolescence, until the revolation of becoming a transsexual underground club singer. Variety called this: ‘A fucking travesty of film’.
Kidney Stopcock is just another 27 year old high-school student, until a masked assailant begins stalking her friends. *Spoiler alert: The killer is never mentioned once in the movie, until the unmasking. This is done to heighten the audience’s mystery.*
A tale of terror that will make your very arsehole quiver. A blob fish overhears a part-time diver refer to it as “a sweaty tumour”, which awakens a deep genetic rage. This is mankind’s twilight. Blob fish voiced by TV and Film veteran Pauly Shore.
Sometimes you find love in unlikely places, like under lettuce leaf on a cafe sandwich. Lonely Julie Hitler has no friends, until she meets Keith. Keith the snail. After smuggling him out of the cafe in her vagina, Julie realises that slugs can be more than just a one night stand. Viewer discretion advised due to scenes of slug racism.
Two man cops. They both have immaculate career records. Neither of them are female or feel like they’re feeling adversity in their chosen profession. Both are respected in the community by all different races/religions (none of which are stereotypes) They also get on really well with each others families. They have Christmas together and shit. Top fellas.
A tiger turns up for tea in this big screen retelling of the classic children’s story. The family let him in as they’re thick as shit. He’s a fucking tiger you idiots. Many dead. Currently rated 0.6 on IMDB. “It gave my eyes AIDS” Pete in Bristol
The blockbuster of the year has arrived. Finally the son of God sets foot back on Earth. Things have changed in his absence. Blade isn’t messing about with this undead rule, smock or no smock. Yet, Jesus has spent centuries perfecting his own form of combat. A battle of biblical proportions. Blasphemy has never been so exciting.
I just did this one as I’m a prick.
Doginawaistcoat.com 
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