“SPUGGY MAN!”
If you’re of a certain age (old) like me, you’ll remember the weekly up and downs of a little youth club in the heart of Newcastle. Or you’ll just remember people shouting “SPUGGY MAN!” at ginger folks.
You may remember she was the sister of:
I’ll warn you now, I’m gonna use the word ‘man’ a LOT.
The Grove rocked up after Newsround and right about the time you’d be having your dinner. So the plethora of day glo t-shirts and pink bumbags (‘fanny packs’ to our over seas cousins, as I’m sure they’re avid followers) would have you devouring your egg and chips in sunglasses.
The first series revolved around posh bird new girl Julie who moves to the area from Buckingham Palace. Obviously she doesn’t fit in because she’s pretty much a stuck up cow. She throws gooey eyes at James Dean wannabe Gill. Gill does not smile because he is hard, and generally looks like he’s trying to remember something.
Gill calls Julie ‘Princess’, which would be sweet but it’s not as stand out as his best mate’s name.
Anyway, Gill lives up to his James Dean persona, and becomes a Rebel Without A Pulse after nicking a car as he was in a sulk. No one really cares about Julie, and Winston is upset, but he still has a pedal bike.
The Dobson witches were a mixed bunch. Nicola liked denim and buggered off to Eastenders, seemed a canny lass though. Debbie was a bit of an all round prick tease and managed to break both PJ and Duncan’s (we’ll get to them later) hearts. Callous bitch. Bet she kicks the noses off puppies too.
Gemma got killed by a TV. Honest. Here’s the evidence:
“Awww no pet. The plugs a fucken death trap like”
She and Gill wasn’t the only deaths. The Grove had its fair share of reaper visits. Like Flora’s brain tumour, Geoff blowing up in a gas explosion, or the obliteration of Donna Air’s geordie accent. Which is obviously ‘geordiecide’. Dont belive me?
Then after dating a posh fella…
Almost like an upper class body snatcher.
On that first video it’s obviously an interview for the girl group ‘Byker Groove’. I know I know the name made my toes curl like jalapeño up the jap eye too. It went well for them. Their single ‘Love Your Sexy’ (see, I research!) peaked at 48 in the UK charts. Like it matters. No one cares these days. Wanna hear it though? It’s shit. Enjoy.
There were more. Crush, Point Break, Freefaller, Summer Matthews, etc. Not that it matters. Only one musical superpower emerged from Byker. Oh yeah, you know it.
Featuring Duncan obviously. Ahhh Duncan Duncan, I remember when you got caught pinching from the Grove when dressed as a Turtle. In those days before you would be a staple of Saturday night TV…with ya blind mate.
Which leads us here I suppose. The biggest moment in Byker history. Which makes me feel bad for Flora and her tumour. For when Greg fell off the roof and crippled himself. Or for even when Noddy kissed Gary. The FIRST gay kiss on UK TV. Yet…none of it compares to:
“HE CANNAE SEE MAN!”
I’m guessing that’s why he crashed his car not long back.
Although Amanda Bewick and Debbie Dobson (yeah, that bitch) have near pin point aim. Imperial Stormtroopers should take note. Being fair though, he did try and shag them both in a cellar. Although is that worth him having to turn to audio porn forever?
*DICK LANCE LOOKS AT HER LONGINGLY AND THEN SPERMS LIKE A SNOTTY ANTEATER ON HER WAITING FACE FROM HIS PULSATING MAN EEL*
I think not.
“SPUGGY MAN! HE CANNAE SEE!”
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