THINGS THAT I HAVE SEEN WITH MY EYES. BY PREACHER AGE 4 ¼

I DISLIKE SOME THINGS. OTHER THINGS ARE LICKABLE. I SOMETIMES STILL LICK SOMETHINGS I DISLIKE. I LIVE ON THE EDGE.

THIS IS CAT BASTARD. IT THINKS IT HAS DOMINANCE. IT SMELLS LIKE NASTY. CAT BASTARD CAN FUCK OFF.

CAT BASTARD CANNOT USE THAT PHONE. IT IS MERELY MASQUERADING AS A CUTE HUG THING. IT WILL DIE. ACCIDENTS HAPPEN. MAINLY WITH TEETH AND SQUEALING.

THIS IS CAR. CAR MAKES THE WORLD MOVE. YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFULL. I ONCE GOT IN CAR AND CAME HOME WITH A LAMP SHADE AND NO BOLLOCKS.

WINDOW IS THE BEST. WITH WINDOW YOU CAN SEE OTHER THINGS THAT YOU CAN NOT PRESENTLY LICK. I CAN WAIT….OH I CAN WAIT.

DON’T UNDERSTAND. MAN SQUEAKS AND FLOATS. MOVES TO FAST TO LICK. SOMETIMES LOOKS PRETENTIOUS AS HE THINKS HE’S SAVING THE EARTH. HE’S NOT. CONCLUSION: POSSIBLE FOOD.

SOFA IS THE BEST OF THE BESTEST. CAT BASTARD THREW UP ON IT AS ITS A TWAT. I LOOK LIKE I HAVE A FANNY IN THIS PIC. I DON’T. I’M A BOY DOG. YOU CAN SEE MY DOG PLUM.

BOX UNDER WINDOW IS WHERE YOU SLEEP IF CAT BASTARD HAS SAT IT’S VILE FISHY ARSE ON SOFA. ALSO WHERE YOU STAND TO SEE OUT WINDOW (SEE ABOVE).

WATCHING FILMS IS THE BEST THING AFTER SHOUTING AT ANYONE THAT TOUCHES MY GRASS. ITS MY FUCKING GRASS. ALTHOUGH, I WAS MADE TO WATCH ‘RAIDERS OF THE LOST SHARK’ RECENTLY. DUE TO MY LACK OF FINGERS, I CANT WORK THE REMOTE…OR SLASH MY OWN THROAT.

BED IS END OF THE DAY. OR ALL DAY IF DAD HAS BEEN TO PUB THE NIGHT BEFORE. DON’T TAKE THE PISS OUT MY DUVET COVER EITHER. I’M A FUCKING DOG. SOMETIMES MY FEET MOVE A LOT IN MY SLEEP. I’VE HEARD IT SAID THAT I’M ‘CHASING RABBITS’. DICKHEADS. I’VE NEVER SEEN A RABBIT. BY THE SOUND OF IT, THEY MUST BE TROUBLE.

BOOZE IS PRETTY POPULAR IN THESE PARTS. IT LEADS TO ‘TAKEAWAY’. THIS ONE TIME AFTER BOOZE, MY DAD ORDERED FOOD AND THEN STARTED TO DREAM ABOUT RABBITS. THIS FURRY BOSS RIGHT HERE SNAFFLED A FULL SPICEY BURGER. NEXT DAY I SHIT LIKE DRAGON SNEEZES.