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Gaming is more lucrative than the film industry in this age. There’s no longer an expected age limit to gaming as a whole. I was lucky enough to grow up in the exact right period to see the birth of home gaming and be able to see it blossom.

I’ve played some of the finest games  ever released. I’ve also played some absolute stinkers. This is why I have constructed my own library of killer titles. These are only available from Dodgy Steve’s Lock Up.

BEIGE

YOU are Beige! From the same Dev team that bought you ‘Dave Is A Man I Met’ and ‘Your Dog Drinks Water 2: Drinky Drinky’.

TEENAGERS ARE PRICKS

Break down a colourful wall of bricks by firing gobby adolescents between 13 and 18 in its direction. Select your team of youngsters, then proceed to blast them face first into oblivion. Have this free cheat code: KING 5IZE RIZLA

SPACE VIRGIN

Become a virgin once more (unless you still are, ha!) to battle fanny shaped monstrosities in a phallic shaped ship. Remember Flesh Gordon? If you don’t, you’ve had a more sheltered childhood than me. It was shit anyway..

SERIAL FIGHTER 2

This is a full crowd pleaser. Pit some of the world’s most well known slaughter hounds in a battle to the death. DLC content includes Dr Harold Shipman, Tony Blair and a fella my dad said he met that killed some folks by lamping them with a paving slab.

BEE EATER 3000

How many bees can you eat? Obviously its a status symbol, but it’s also a competitive scene. Can YOU consume a full swarm and be the envy of everyone you know? Will your buzzing tummy woo the girl?

VORDERMAN WARS

Countdown cougar Vorderman has spent her time on Earth learning our quaint ways and customs. Now she has enough information to strike! Based upon the smash hit Space Invaders, the idea is the same, apart from the descending Vorderman’s are set up in a 2 at the top and 3 at the bottom formation…

YOUR DREAMS ARE NOTHING

Imagine if your children could experience the soul crushing and emotional torment of life early? Open your child’s mind to the prospect that they’ll achieve nothing, then die. Exclusive to Wii.

SIM CENTIPEDE

Make your own Human centipede! First collect your specimens. Will you drug them or plain up throw them in a van? Are you picking all one sex, or mixing it up? See what happens when you end the one in the middle. Lolz for all the family

DR WHAT

You’re a newly licenced Doctor that has lost his mobile phone in a patient. Accidents happen right! By trying to use a payphone to ring your mother (she only has one foot, and needs checking on), you accidentally steal a TARDIS. Whoops!! Now you’re traveling different galaxies across time and have no power or idea what you’re doing! Mainly a stealth game.

TREAT NAN’S FEET

One of my earlier titles. Nan can’t reach her yellow crusty nails, so it’s up to you as her grandchild to help her. Will you take the perilous trip to the chemist for corn plasters, or attempt to bite it out yourself?

SLUG DATING

The most modern title. In this time of gender fluidity, it’s only a matter of time before cross species love is a normality. Meet Ian the slug. He’s out on the town and has one thing on his mind. It’s taken him three months to get to the bar, so it’s a high stakes evening. Will he spend three months getting home alone, or will he get picked up? The choice, is yours.

FUN VASECTOMY

Can you stop over population? Also sells in a double pack with SERIAL FIGHTER 2.